A dad of one of my son’s teammates was always speaking with the coach
and giving him advice before and after games. I once saw him practically chasing
the coach off the field. Another time, I saw the coach purposefully avoid
this dad by ducking behind some bleachers.
Frankly, many parents are too quick to speak with their coach about a problem
or an issue. Parents today are so eager to ensure that their children are
being treated fairly that they often overadvocate. Parents often do this because
they feel that their own parents perhaps didn’t advocate for them enough.
They think, “Well, Sean isn’t going to have to put up with what
I did!” Some parents try to intervene with the coach because they’ve
bought into the “more in sports is better” myth that I discuss
in the previous chapter. They think that unless their child plays every game
that he will be at a disadvantage. For this reason, the issue of playing time
is one of the biggest areas of contention between coaches and parents.
Though their concern comes from the heart, parents who are too quick to run
to the coach with a complaint in the end often don’t serve their children’s
best interests. First of all, you don’t want your child to learn to
frequently take an adversarial position or to feel that she has to be on the
alert for getting cheated or mistreated in youth sports. This kind of attitude
can take the fun out of sports for kids. It is helpful for kids to understand
that they are not always going to like their coaches or what their coaches
do, but that they can still have a good overall experience on the team.
Second, if you frequently approach the coach, the coach is probably going
to end up resenting you. Do you like it when people tell you how to do your
job or raise your child? Probably not. Some coaches even take their resentment
out on your child. For example, it’s time to put a new wide receiver
in the game. There are two equal players but because Paul’s dad has
been bugging the coach about giving the boy more field time, the coach sends
in David, whose dad never engages him in discussion.
Your goal should be to find the middle ground in advocating for your child with the coach. Here are four ways to help you find this middle ground:
reprinted from:
101 Ways To Be A Terrific Sport Parent
by Joel Fish, Ph.D.
Simon & Schuster © 2003